Lettera di lamentele

Questa è una lettera realmente inviata da un Manager di una grossa multinazionale alla filiale italiana, dopo una sua permanenza di qualche settimana presso la sede stessa.

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our establishment in Rome that offensive language is commonly used by our Italian speaking staff. Such behaviour, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and staff.

All personnel will immediately adhere to the following rules:

1. Words like cazzo, porca puttana or mi sono rotto il cazzo and other such expressions will not be tolerated or used for emphasis or dramaticeffect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.
2. You will not say ha fatto una cazzata when someone makes a mistake, or se lo stanno inculando if you see someone being reprimended, or che stronzata when a major mistake has been made. All forms and derivations of the verb cagare are utterly inappropriate and unacceptable in our nvironment.
3. No project manager, section head or administrator under any circumstances will be referred as figlio di puttana, coglione, testa di cazzo.
4. Lack of determination will not be referred to as mancanza di palle nor will persons who lack initiative be referred to as bradipo or cagone.
5. Unusual or creative ideas offered by the management are not to be referred as cagate mentali or idee del cazzo.
6. Do not say come rompe le palle nor ha rotto i coglioni if a person is persistent; do not add gli fa ancora male il culo if a colleague is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not say siamo nella merda (refer to item # 2) nor ci hanno aperti when a matter becomes excessively complicated.
7. When asking a someone to leave you alone,you must not vattene affanculo nor should you ever substitute May I help you? With che cazzo vuoi?
8. Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial partners vecchi stronzi.
9. Do not say me ne sbatto when a relevant project is presented to you, nor should you ever answer ciucciami il cazzo when your assistance is required.
10. You should never call partners as frocio or mignotta; the sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as culattone or bagascia.
11. Last but not least, after reading a note please don't say mi ci pulisco il culo. Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.

Thank you.

Regards, xxxxxx